The Thinking 

Pizza Hut Denies Americans Important Innovation

April 12, 2012


THE Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza has been officially introduced, but in Great Britain only. Call Pizza Hut today and complain. While you’re at it, ask about the possibility of a French Fry Stuffed Crust Pizza for vegetarians.

                                   — Comments —

N.W., who sent the hot dog pie link, writes:

I like meat and I like pizza but that looks disgusting.

Laura writes:

But it comes with free mustard drizzle. Mustard and pizza are made for each other. It is an ancient Anglo-Italian recipe.

Those must be very long hot dogs.

N.W. writes:

Well, now that you mention it, I guess the mustard drizzle does kind of draw the whole ensemble together in a wierd Uber-American sort of way. I mean pizza and hotdogs, what could be more American? It would almost be unpatriotic not to demand that it be mass-shipped to our shores in all of its frozen pop-in-the-microwave-and-re-heat sorta glory.

Stewart W. writes:

Being an engineer by both training and inclination, my first thought went to the great clanking machine that must be employed to manufacture those crusts. I’m certain it is a wonder to behold! A stainless-steel altar to hearth and home. To emphasize the homey goodness churned out by this Leviathan, they probably gave it a suitably homespun name, like “Mama Mia Pizza-Matic 3000.” It probably sits just up the line from the “Mustard Drizzl-ator Deluxe.”

Laura writes:

The Pizza Industrial Complex employs some great engineering minds.

Buck writes:

I got a rush from the photo. I don’t know what to say. After decades of only eating hot dogs at baseball games, I found some no-nitrite, no-nitrate dogs – two for the price of one – at Safeway. Sixty seconds and a drizzle of mustard. I mentioned before that I’ve started eating pizza again after a friend dropped several thawing pizzas at my door.

I’m actually excited about this; add a side of cheese-drizzled chips and a bitter beer!

Laura writes:

I realize it’s exciting. But please, get a hold of yourself. Go take a walk or something. I repeat, this has not been introduced in America yet.

A reader writes:

Lent never looked so good.

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