The Thinking 

Trapped by Homosexuality, cont.

November 30, 2012


IN response to Congresswoman Jackie Speier’s call for Congress to denounce psychological treatment for teenagers who have homosexual desires, a reader named Will G. writes:

It infuriates me that they want to criminalize those who wish to help people escape the slavery of that life. Wretched people!

I spent fifteen years living as a homosexual and began to leave it 12 years ago. While I did see a therapist for a short time, it was the Wonderful Counselor, the Prince of Peace, who ultimately gave me freedom (and a fantastic wife). It took about four years to pry myself loose from all of the entanglements with my job, friendships, gay neighborhood, which all reinforced the status quo. I did not escape without contracting HIV. Fortunately my disease has not kept me from being able to have a life. I am now married to a magnificent wife and we adopted my precious baby girl three years ago.

I stopped believing the lie sometime in my late twenties but I never thought I would be able to give up the bathhouses, trendy friends, etc. I was disgusted with myself. My soul was trapped. Once I removed myself from all of those influences it really wasn’t that difficult. I finally met my wife and I never looked back. I miss smoking more than sodomy!

I’m a sensitive, artistic guy who let our culture misdiagnose me and nearly lost the opportunity to have a real family. Occasionally when I am driving or lost in thought I mourn the children that I should have fathered had I not given myself over to that life.

I also want to mention that the post you had from the Frenchman who spoke of the woman who altered the course of his life struck a chord with me. I once owned a gift store and was behind the counter one day when a young woman who was elegantly dressed came in. She had a very sweet, kind face and she was looking for some jewelry but we ended up chatting for a short while. I was so enchanted with her and I never forgot her. The way she carried herself was so feminine and graceful yet she was not pretentious at all. Although I never saw her again, if I had to pinpoint a moment when the fog began to clear that encounter was it.

—- Comments —–

Meredith writes:

I saw this article and it’s follow up on Prodigal and I was struck with this young woman’s testimony of her own struggles with lesbianism. It is utterly evil to not be allowed to offer help to people who are struggling with this sin. Heaven help Californians who are stuck in that state and desiring therapy. They need deep prayer, love, and compassionate people to come along side them to guide them to the truth, not people who tell them it’s normal and just to accept it.

Carolyn writes:

My son has same-sex attraction. It has been the greatest grief of my life. I love him. I understand that he did not ask for this…no one asks for the feelings. What they do with the feelings is their choice, but tell this to a testosterone-filled young man! When others say it is “okay” he becomes locked in the lifestyle. As this brave man says, it is a lie. With much help and love, change can and is being made. “Gays” are learning to manage their feelings, as we all manage our weaknesses and are able to live a more fulfilling life. Complete cures (how many mental problems are completely cured?) may not be achieved, but a better life can be found. Indeed, the “cure” rate is the same as for any therapy…so do we give up all mental health therapy?

I pray every day my brilliant son will have the courage to take this journey out of this dead-end life.

Laura writes:

Homosexual desires in themselves are not evil. They are rooted in our innate sexual urges, and thus part of the good in our nature.

A person who has these desires is not bad because he has them.

Carolyn writes:

Exactly, Laura. There is nothing evil about these feelings. Those who shun and deride homosexuals, who did not ask for the feelings, will, I believe, be punished. This is probably the most difficult emotional plight we can deal with in this world.

Laura writes:

There is no reason to make these feelings public, and when they are not made public, there is no risk of being shunned or derided for being homosexual.

Will G. writes:

In response to Carolyn,

“‘Gays’ are learning to manage their feelings, as we all manage our weaknesses and are able to live a more fulfilling life. Complete cures (how many mental problems are completely cured?) may not be achieved, but a better life can be found.”

I think that is the correct way to look at it. We all do have weaknesses. Homosexuality is particularly pernicious because there is such a push to normalize it. There are no parades for adulterers, alcoholics or kiddy-fiddlers – yet I believe it is just as destructive. Not knowing what the situation is with your family I don’t wish to be hurtful but it has been my experience that homosexual men have a problem with their father – absent, weak, distant – and become overly attached to their mothers. It was almost comical how often this was true in the people I knew. I used to think that was the case because of the homosexuality but as time went on I think it was more of a cause or an encouragement for someone who has a weak masculine identity to begin with.

My own father who passed away about five years ago was an alcoholic throughout my childhood. Admirably, he quit completely when I was about 13 or 14 but it was a little late. He was never violent and often quite funny when he drank (being an Irishman) and was generally a warm man. The alcohol problem meant we moved a lot and had financial problems which put a lot of stress on my mother who then put a lot of misplaced emotional investment in me. My parents were good people with some weaknesses of their own. Part of my own path out of this was to redefine the relationship with my mother. She has more or less obliged the emotional distance I put up perhaps sensing herself the mistakes that were made. We’ve never discussed it. She loves her granddaughter immensely and it makes me happy to give her another chance with her.

Being around my wife’s family has helped me to see some better ways.

Your son is backing himself into a very lonely corner. Keep praying for your son. And then pray some more. The book of Ecclesiastes has been a great comfort to me.

Buck writes:

Laura writes:

Homosexual desires in themselves are not evil. They are rooted in our innate sexual urges, and thus part of the good in our nature.

Would you mind expounding on that. I’m good with the idea that homosexual desires themselves are not evil and with the idea that someone inflicted with unhealthy desires is not bad because of those desires. But, that because perverted sexual desires are rooted in the same place as are healthy sexual urges that that makes them a part (an equal part?) of the good in our nature, I don’t get. Thanks.

Laura writes:

Our sexual desires move us to perceive the good in another person. Homosexual desire, when not pure lust, may involve this heightened awareness of the good in another person. That perception of the individual’s worth and beauty is in itself not wrong at all. If someone truly loves a person of the same sex, however, he would not involve him in a homosexual relationship, or act on those feelings in any way, because in doing so he would bring harm to the person and thus not truly love him. Similarly, adultery doesn’t involve true love because it brings harm to the person loved. Both adultery and homosexuality offend God, but God made us to love and surely does not condemn our involuntary desires. “Everything evil is rooted in some good, and everything false in some truth,” said Aquinas.

Terry Morris writes:

When is homosexual desire not pure lust? A man can love another man without having homosexual desires for the other man, no?

Laura writes:

Yes, but the desire for physical intimacy can be bound up with a desire for emotional intimacy and for fusion with the person, just as it is between men and women.

Carolyn writes:

I like Laura’s words about true love would not involve itself in relations with someone of the same sex. That is profound, as is the thought that awareness of beauty in another is godlike. Great thoughts!

To Terry: Yes, the feelings are not lust at all, but many believe them to be unmet desires for healthy realtions with someone of the opposite sex. The absent father is often a factor and the too involved mother (often a necessity because of no father). Healthy relations with others of the same sex are a great factor in helping these desires for sexual interaction fade. Elizabeth Moberly, one of the pioneers in this field believes that we all have feelings for the same sex as children and that when they are not fulfilled they become a problem.

Laura writes:

The only real solution to homosexual desire is to find that love. One must have that love. Everyone, even someone with the most craven and perverted desires, is entitled to that love. Fortunately it is everywhere, radiating outward and spilling over from the Divine Heart, the origin of all true love. We cannot ever fully grasp how generous and forgiving it is.

Winnie writes:

In response to Terry Morris, who wrote:

When is homosexual desire not pure lust? A man can love another man without having homosexual desires for the other man, no?

The homosexualist agenda’s success in normalizing (celebrating) gay manhood and libidinous suggestion/experimentation from early childhood has damaged male friendship to a devastating degree.  Boys are now largely deprived of the safe and formative environments among other boys which used to foster such positive and masculine traits of loyalty, chivalry, honor, strength, perseverance, camaraderie, etc.

And, concerning “that love Laura offers as “the only real solution:”  It is a rare occasion when you state, explicitly, the Truth and Love which flow just under the surface throughout your entire blog.  But of course it is always there, the clear and constant reference point.  It is why I read and relish your commentary and those responses and contributions of so many of my fellow TH readers.

That love is the lens through which I have been learning to examine the world and my place in it, and reading your blog for several years has been instrumental in the discovery of that lens.  That love, in it’s infinite generosity and forgiveness is truly the heart of the matter, no matter what particular thing you might be writing about on any given day.  Thank you and God bless you.

Laura writes:

Thank you very much.

Share:Email this to someoneShare on Facebook0Tweet about this on TwitterPin on Pinterest0Share on Google+0