The Thinking 

Parenthood without the Hassle of Marriage

August 19, 2013


KARL D. writes:

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any sicker, behold the movement known as “co-parenting.” How do these men and women (especially the women!) look at themselves in the mirror every morning? This isn’t just selfishness. It is malignant narcissism!! Note that the women in the article were interviewing prospective “fathers” from around the world including a homosexual man! One thing does give me hope though. The majority of commenters on this story are as disgusted by this as you or I.

— Comments —

James P. writes:

The article did not explain why any man would want to sign up for “co-parenting” — in which he gets all the aggravation and expense of raising the child, but only has a Platonic relationship with the mother.  It’s like being divorced before he even gets married!  Not to mention the fact that a judge could easily void any “agreement” he reaches with the mother about “rights and responsibilities.” When his rights go way down and his responsibilities go way up, he has nobody to blame but himself.

“She has signed up to a website giving her access to thousands of men across the world who, like her, aren’t looking for a relationship, but want a child with someone who’ll take their parenting role seriously.” — Normally “parenting” requires the parents to have a relationship, i.e., marriage, and if the man isn’t willing to get married, that’s a pretty good indication he won’t take his parenting role seriously.

The women “didn’t want to be a single parent or use an anonymous sperm donor” — some would say that having a baby with some strange guy on the internet is not greatly different from either of these other options.

Carson, the “sought-after heterosexual man” on the site, “is looking for a good-hearted person from a relatively stable, healthy family so they have solid morals” — why, that’s just the kind of woman who is looking to get pregnant with some strange guy she met on the internet!  Carson, have you ever thought that if you manage to meet such a woman, the two of you should get married instead of doing this weirdo “co-parenting” thing?

Alex writes:

James P. writes:

[I]f the man isn’t willing to get married, that’s a pretty good indication he won’t take his parenting role seriously.

The same is true for women who don’t want to get married.

Sage McLaughlin writes:

We’re all hypocrites in our own ways, and I am less and less inclined publicly to criticize hypocrisy in others. But I cannot shrink from denouncing this foolishness called, apparently, “co-parenting.”  I read this bit and just laughed aloud:

“looking for a good-hearted person from a relatively stable, healthy family so they have solid morals…”

What’s funny to me is that he telegraphs his squishiness with the word “relatively”—he can’t just say he wants someone from a stable, healthy family, because that might be unrealistic, or judgmental, or something.  Of course the real irony (and the real outrage) is that he demands as his co-conspirator in this absurd farce someone who is from a “stable, healthy” family!  I wonder what kind of morals he thinks a person raised  by contracted “parenting agents” will have, and whether he thinks such an arrangement constitutes a stable, healthy situation for the child.

In a way, little slips like this indicate that people aren’t nearly as confused as they pretend to be when it comes to the importance of the family.  Everybody knows deep down in their bones that children need a mother and a father, that familial anarchy are bad for children’s moral development, and that the traditional family is preferable in all ways to these thin arrangements that are designed to be easily revocable.  It is plain that the people who enter into such “co-parenting” arrangements—and this goes double for young couples who are living together—do so with their psychological bags packed, sitting by the door, just in case.  They refuse to enter into real marriages and into real family relations precisely because they want it to be as easy as possible to walk out at will.

 Laura writes:

You are right to compare this “co-parenting” farce with cohabiting couples. They are not all that different.

Carson’s point in saying that  he was looking for someone with sound morals was apparently to suggest that even though he plans to create a child without love or a personal connection, he is an upright and good person. Given that he holds this immodest view of himself, he will likely find himself taken off guard by the inevitably critical appraisal of a son or daughter, who will almost certainly see through this sham.

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