The Thinking 

The State of Marriage

March 13, 2015

THE blogger Mark Moncrieff, in a post from last summer, wonders why so few people he knows are married and sums up what he believes are the chief reasons.

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  • Paul writes:

    The author raises some interesting ideas.

    “[Selfishness] discourages people from changing to accommodate another person. Take me as I am or get lost. Sadly as we get older that selfishness becomes part of us and it becomes harder to fit another person into your life. How do you marry when you have learnt to be so selfish and to do it so well?”

    I learned well.  I have tried to accommodate, but I just get bored.  I have simply thought I was not built to marry.  Until I read this, no one ever proposed that I try changing.  Is this particular type of change taught?

    It should not be taught by throwing one into the water as it were.  That is, maybe it was once taught by peer pressure driving one to marry despite boredom.  Coupled with the modern high divorce rate when I reached marrying age, such teaching was highly risky. 

    An expert once told me boredom (unspecific) is driven by the subconscious and is a symptom of depression.

    The desire for money has been a major, conscious deterrent to marriage for me.  Early on I became tuned to my mother’s instinct for security.  She had the incredible energy needed to take the risk.  I did not. I did not dare risk the time and expense of a wife and children.