The Thinking 

On Marital Companionship

September 8, 2017


Coloman Helmschmid and Agnes Breu, Jorg Breu the Elder; 1505

FROM a 2008 article by Michael J. Rayes:

Once upon a time, Boyfriend and Girlfriend had a lot of fun together. Their time together was filled with mutual activities that were fun for them both. Girlfriend looked up to Boyfriend, and Boyfriend thought Girlfriend was a lot of fun. So they got married and became Husband and Wife.

Now, Husband and Wife spend time together bickering about the bills. They don’t spend a lot of time with each other, but when they are together, they only talk about what is stressful because they have responsibilities. Husband tells Wife what she isn’t doing right. Wife nags Husband about all the things he should be doing. When they want to have fun, they do it with “the guys” or “the gals” or they go off alone for “alone time.”

Boyfriend and Girlfriend liked each other and then they fell in love. Husband and Wife love each other, but they don’t like each other. They didn’t fall out of love, but they fell out of like.

Men and women form emotional attachments to members of the opposite sex with whom they spend enjoyable time together.[11] In other words, your tennis partner should be your spouse, not someone else. As the Catholic psychologist Rudolph Allers put it,”Marriage is life companionship. Therefore an education for marriage is an education for companionship in general.”[12]

It is ludicrous to divorce someone you really enjoy being with. No one ever says, “We really liked each other, so we divorced.” Find a mutually agreeable hobby or activity and enjoy it together. Think about it: you have some form of legitimate and wholesome escape that you rely on to mitigate the stress of life. A problem may be that the recreational escape is done alone, without nurturing the marriage. For all practical purposes, this means that Husband and Wife only spend stressful time together. Fun time is spent away from the spouse.

Change your recreational habits and come to a mutual understanding of each other through a rewarding activity. You’ll rediscover your spouse and will be well on your way to reawakening the love and respect your marriage once enjoyed.

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