The Thinking 


Page 1 of 3123

The Faux “Neighborhood Joint”

May 16, 2016

A READER writes:

To add to your ongoing ‘Pizza Industrial Complex’ dialogue, the New York Times discussed the ‘unique pizza’ of ‘Vinnies,’ a place they term a ‘neighborhood joint.’

This statement is an utter and total lie. No longtime, real Brooklyn pizzeria has survived the gentrifying steamroller that has utterly transformed Williamsburg in recent decades from a solid, working-class, product-producing area into a playground for hipsters and the wealthy.

No real pizzaiolo would be caught dead making such an atrocity.

Real quality pizza still exists in NYC, but not in any of these ridiculous enclaves. Read More »


Detainee Released

July 30, 2015


THIS young exemplar of the New World Order recently returned from a six-month detention at an “Affirmatively Furthering Pizza” camp located on a small island off the coast of Alaska. Most American children avidly consume pizza, probably due to heavy exposure before birth. But those who don’t are sent away suddenly and without the permission of their guardians to this largely unknown government facility, where they watch Domino’s commercials and are force fed industrial novelties such as Totino’s Pizza Rolls, Pizza Bagel Bites and Pizza Poppers until they are conditioned to want nothing else.

This boy is back with his family. He has asked for Pizza Hut’s Hog Dog Crust Pizza with extra cheese for his next birthday dinner.


From Factory to Front Door

May 21, 2015

WE have not yet reached the point where one can simply think the word “pizza” and a deliveryman will show up at the front door. But we are getting close.


Typical American Family Orders Pizza

May 7, 2015



Our reliance on hand-held technology has provided the Pizza-Industrial Complex with ever-greater means of insinuating itself into our lives. It is reaching a point where even our physical safety depends upon the availability of deliverable pizza.

Read More »


The Pizza Princess

May 5, 2015


PRINCESS Charlotte is only a few days old and already the Pizza Industrial Complex is using her to tighten its grip on the British people. Pizza huts at selected locations across Great Britain are offering free slices to those who can prove they are named Charlotte.

Read More »


The Evolution of Pizza

February 20, 2015




Read More »


In the Pizza News

January 14, 2014



MY sincere apologies to readers for failing to keep up with the latest pizza developments in recent weeks. To tell you the truth, the loneliness of my position on the pizzafication of our nation sometimes gets me down and I simply have to back away from it all. However, in the latest news, there is the “flavor-packed” pizza burger above, which actually is old news since pizza burgers have been around since the early days of the Pizza Revolution. Its entrenchment is still worth noting. There is also the laser-guided pizza cutter here. Technological innovation in the field is breathtaking. The average number of pizza vendors per acre will continue to rise as there will be greater accuracy and speed in slicing. Call that a prediction or a prophecy, whatever you will, it is almost certainly true.

A word of caution to readers who live in cold climates: Pizza deliverers do not as a rule slow down in icy weather. Here is the disturbing account of a close call involving a pizza delivery, as told by the editor of the industry publication Pizza Today:

The other night, I was driving home from a meeting. It had been dark for about an hour and our area had experienced snow, lots of ice and exceptionally blustery weather. The temperature was dropping fast, and on my drive home I quickly found myself wishing that I would have had enough common sense not to get out in the first place. At several intersections, despite driving slowly, braking slowly and being generally cautious, I found myself sliding on the ice when I attempted to stop my vehicle. Read More »


The Thanksgiving Pizza

November 23, 2013




MANY of you plan to spend grueling hours next week making turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie — the whole shebang. I can understand your wanting to adhere to time-honored traditions, but have you thought of making a Thanksgiving pizza instead? Pizza Today has a recipe. Combine all the essentials in one lovely and creative dish. The Pilgrims just didn’t think of this.

Now, where else can you get life-changing tidbits like this but at The Thinking Housewife? I am very close to reaching my fundraising goal. Please consider donating. Small donations of five, ten or fifteen dollars will put me closer to my goal, as will donations of $1 million or more. Thank you for your generosity. Every donation, large or small, is appreciated and is an instance of concrete action in support of the marginalized, disenfranchised, pizza-hassled counter-revolution.

Read More »


A Case of Pizza Resistance

January 29, 2013


MARY BURR writes:

I thought of you this evening as I watched this May 1965 episode of “Bewtiched.”  Samantha uses her magical powers to create an ad campaign for struggling a Italian restaurant owner named Mario. His business is failing because everyone wants pizza and Mario comes from a long line of culinary artisans who refuse to serve pizza. Samantha’s magic campaign is so effective that a manufacturer of pizza wants to cut a deal with Mario to make him rich.  Even for a million dollars, Mario refuses to make pizza.

Read More »


Eau de Pizza

December 6, 2012


THE pizzafication of society continues apace. In the latest development, Pizza Hut has marketed its own perfume, a scent alleged to smell like fresh-baked dough. That’s strange — Pizza Hut pizza doesn’t smell like fresh-baked dough.

Unfortunately, this perfume was a limited edition product and it has, unsurprisingly, sold out. We can only hope for more. And perhaps a Domino’s version too.

Read More »


Obama Gets Serious

October 15, 2012



How Many Pizzas Does It Take to Win the Presidency?

October 13, 2012


Read More »


The Relatively Silent Debate about Contraceptives and Health

October 13, 2012


IN THE latest entry about the issue of cancer, abortion and oral contraceptives, Samson, a physician, writes:

[M]ost doctors are utterly unaware of the abortion-OCP-and-breast-cancer controversy. Understand: it’s not merely that most doctors disagree that there is a link, but most have not heard that there is a debate surrounding the issue whatsoever. When I was in residency (within the past five years) I was going to do a research project on the question of a link between contraceptive pills and breast cancer, but was talked out of it by several supervisors who thought the topic was unworthy of investigation because they had never heard tell of it.

 To me, the issue highlights the power of the supposedly “unbiased” and “scientific” literature, but that is a whole other discussion.

When one thinks of how much public interest there is in the effects of pesticides on human health, the relative lack of interest in this subject is striking.

Read More »


Okay, There’s No Difference Between the Two Parties

October 11, 2012


A READER received this personal invitation from the Romney-Ryan campaign:

We are extending the deadline for you to enter for a chance to eat pizza with Mitt before joining the Romney-Ryan Team as I face off with Joe Biden at this week’s debate.

It will be a lot of fun, and it will be great to know the whole team is cheering me on. Read More »


The Pizza Cone

October 8, 2012


JOHN PURDY writes:

An innovation in pizza technology: Pizza Cones! Very popular in Europe apparently and they’re available in Canada.

Laura writes:

There is no limit to the breathtaking creativity that pizza inspires. According to the product information:

Pizza cornetto margarita is an innovative product of Metora Food, patented on the Greek market and 28 other countries. It is the advanced version of Personal Pizza, offering clean eating, ease of consumption, easy business cooking of many pieces, it’s rich in energy and it’s prepared without preservatives. It’s packed in one or six pieces.


Obama Clinches the Pizza Vote

September 12, 2012


THE ROAD to serfdom is paved with cheap tomato sauce and mozzarella asphalt. Obama walked into a Florida pizzeria this week and bought 20 pizzas with cash. The owner pledged his vote. “I just gave him a great big bear hug,” Scott Van Duzer said, the BBC reported. Smart move on the part of the president. Obama knows the power of the Pizza Industrial Complex.

Read More »


Pizza Trek

August 18, 2012


VINCENT C. writes:

Although I have previously pointed out that “the perfect pizza” can only be found where there are San Marzano tomatoes, mozzarella from the milk of buffalo, authentic Parmesan cheese, and skills acquired after years of apprenticeship to put these ingredients together in a wood-burning oven, a recent story in The Washington Post indicates that such raw materials are superfluous, for there are scientists now working on a project that will produce that “perfect pizza product.” It will be part of a menu offered to space travelers on the voyage to Mars in the 2030s. Read More »


Goodbye (and Have a Greasy Slice Before You Go)

July 18, 2012


BEN J. writes:

My company was just sold to a hated competitor, and they will be closing my office in Colorado, and laying me off in December. To add insult to injury, the ‘new’ company is buying the office pizza tomorrow, from a local chain so greasy, the pizza can soak through the box in 15 minutes, and a paper plate in a fifth of that time.

I find being asked to dine with those who are taking my job and my income rather insulting. But maybe I’m just too sensitive or too old-fashioned.

Page 1 of 3123